An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1 by Samantha Wolfe

Author:Samantha Wolfe [Wolfe, Samantha]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-06-19T21:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7

Jenny

The sob that tore out of me was completely unexpected. A moment ago, I was drifting in a blissful post-orgasmic haze like I'd never experienced before. Now, the world crashed down on me as overwhelming emotion just bulldozed through me, leaving me raw and bleeding inside. Nothing like this had ever happened to me after sex.

Memories that I thought were buried down deep to protect my heart, flared to life inside me. Memories of the first boy I loved, and how he lied to me and used me to take my virginity. Then he discarded me like used goods. An emotional and physical violation that I never told anyone and tried to forget for eight long years. The reason I wouldn't let myself get attached to any man, and only had meaningless sex with them on my terms. The wall I put up against those painful memories had suddenly crumbled around me, and I was left reeling and stunned. More sobs ripped through me, and they wouldn't stop.

"Ford," I whimpered again, terrified and out of control. I felt helpless and lost, and his arms were the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart.

"Jen," he murmured comfortingly as he held me. "It's okay, honey. Just let it out."

Just let it out, he said. Like doing that was easy for me, like it didn't feel like a jagged knife piercing my chest and shattering my damaged heart to pieces all over again.

"He...he lied...he...he used me," I stammered pathetically without realizing I was speaking out loud.

"Jenny," he whispered sympathetically as his arms tightened around me. I felt his lips pressing soft kisses to my forehead. His concern and sympathy burst the dam, and everything began pouring out of me in a rush.

"He...he told me he loved me, w...wanted to be with me forever." My voice was thick with emotion and my tears. I took a shuddering breath. "He lied to me for weeks and I...I believed him. I gave him my v...virginity, then he c...called me a...a slut and dumped me, and he was right. I am a slut. I'm d...damaged goods." My sobs strengthened, feeling like they were tearing me apart now.

"Jen," he said in a gentle yet firm voice. "You didn't give him your virginity. He took it from you. You were coerced into it." His voice practically hummed with suppressed rage now. "He basically raped you."

Logically, I knew he was right, but emotionally I was scarred and broken more than I could even admit to myself. That part of me didn't believe him at all, but I didn't tell him that. I just kept crying, letting him hold me and comfort me, even though a dark twisted part of me didn't really think I deserved it, didn't deserve him.

"You are not a slut, Jen," he said vehemently. "You are not damaged goods."

His sincere belief in those words made no sense to me. I couldn't understand why he was here with me out of all the other women who were far prettier, put together, and more stable than me.

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